Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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