I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
