Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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