don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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