i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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