I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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