God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
