you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
