Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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