And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
