did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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