Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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