Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
