i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
