I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You're earring is so big in my mouth
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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