I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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