can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
don't judge my taste in strippers
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
