I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
