Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
There's even glitter on my cock...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
