I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
