she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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