i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
