He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
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