she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
