i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
