he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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