Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
