thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
