you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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