I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
