im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
