she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
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I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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