Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
