i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
