dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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