I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
