his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
foreskin is a definite game changer
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
MIDGETS
????
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
