ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
