i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
