I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
