Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
