ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
