So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
