He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
