You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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