i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
did i just pee glitter
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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