I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
