Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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