"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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