woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
