what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
