i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
