batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
