He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
