he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
