Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize