I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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