I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just forgot I was standing up.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
