Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
