im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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