I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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