thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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