Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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