Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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