the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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