Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
