I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
