How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
