Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
