She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm like, not good at living.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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