You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it because I queefed?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
