Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
