No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
