everyone is single if you try hard enough
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
