Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
