Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My balls are so social today.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
