I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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