Define "chronic" masturbator.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
