After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
