Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
