I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Drunk is not a location!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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