remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
