hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
