So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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