Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
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