apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
