That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
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