that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
