Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
