did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How's work?
Spinning.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
