apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
