So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
