Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
